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I took my dog for a walk tonight, he pee’d on a fire hydrant. I yelled at him for reinforcing a stereotype but he didn’t understand me because he did it 2 more times on the way home. I don’t know about him. He does this kind of stuff on purpose, I think. I mean, he’s a proud species but doesn’t seem to want to live up to expectations, or at least my expectations. I blame it on the internet. I don’t know what websites he goes to. Is there a way to find out what websites my dog goes to?

Psych. I know dogs can’t get on the internet.

But seriously, he can be a pretty bad dog sometimes. For instance, he likes to lay at the bottom of our stairs, it’s like his place I guess. It’s just where he goes to hang out and watch us do odd things he doesn’t understand like vacuum the floor or eat from a plate. Anyway, I said that to say this. I’m not sure if my dog is a jerk or just stupid because when I come down the stairs he doesn’t move. He requires people to walk over him. Is he a jerk or does he just not get that I have to walk over him? Sometimes I wish I could just put him in a box. Or a bag. What would we call that? A dog sack? A doggie duffle…bag?

Oh, a doggie bag. Nevermind.

Anyway, I can’t complain that much. Overall, he’s a pretty good dog. I mean he does stuff he’s supposed to. He knows how to sit and stay – unless he doesn’t want to. But most importantly, he doesn’t poop in the house. Well, he did once when he was scared. And actually twice in the basement, but that doesn’t count – who hasn’t pooped in the basement?

I haven’t pooped in the basement.

For awhile.